Daddy Issues and Drunk Dialing: alphabet series 9
by boaterV
Summary: Dean's guilt is eating at him and he calls the one person who always knows what say.


Dean turned at the snoring coming from the other side of the room. Like everything else about his not so little brother it was overwhelming. A horrible sound that rattled the pictures on the paper thin walls of the cheap motel. Dean was surprised they weren't getting calls from the front desk.

That of course would have to assume that the drunken weasel that was sitting there when they checked in was still conscious.

Dean turned back towards the door and pulled the blankets tighter. Closing his eyes he saw a flash of green again and knew sleep wasn't going to come anytime soon.

A few moments later he found himself enjoying the only good thing about this motel. The view from the bench behind the brother's room was amazing. Fields covered in some flower that moved in breeze as if it was alive only broken up by a single massive oak. It was the kind of thing that artists would travel just to be able to paint.

Above it was more stars than Dean could count. He knew if Sam was sitting with him he would be able to name all of them. Tell him the stories behind their names and some other crazy list of random information.

Anger flared at the thought of his brother and he took another deep swallow of the dark brown liquid enjoying the burn. It wasn't fair to be angry as Sam but it was easier than letting guilt take over.

A daughter.

He had been a father for all of 15 minutes.

Logic told him she was a monster. A thing. Her every word a lie and that by some coincidence she shared his DNA didn't mean she was his child.

But then logic rarely played a part in Dean's reaction to anything.

He knew he wouldn't have been able to kill her. He would no sooner have been able to do that then he would have been able to kill Sam. He could talk a good game but at the end of the day he knew his soul couldn't take it. He was skating close to the edge.

He lifted the bottle to his mouth and was annoyed to realize it was empty. It made sense though since nothing else was in his alcohol soaked brain. He should go back to the room and sleep. If he could even stumble there.

Fishing into his pocket he came upon the tiny scrap of pink fabric. He had snatched it from the house when he first came across the baby, his baby. He had taken it to see if there were anything odd about the tiny girl he hadn't realized existed but now it served as a reminder of things that would never be.

Staring at it for a moment longer he angrily shoved it into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out his cell.

This was the most epic of bad drunk dialing and a small part of him knew that but he found his fingers punching in the numbers anyway.

"Help again so soon?" Her voice was light but beyond that he was having a hard time concentrating.

"Am I a good man?" He slurred the words. Lifting the bottle again forgetting for a moment it was empty.

"Tell me where you are." Panic made her voice tight. This wasn't a question Dean should be asking. Not unless he was at death's door. She was already crawling out of bed and rushing over to her computer. Putting in a call to Clark she pulled up the GPS software and started her trace.

"What?" His brain was s slow to understand. "It's just a question."

But Chloe wasn't listening, she was waiting for her ride. The little ping on her screen told her where she needed to be. She had been dreading this call. Terrified after her last trip to see him that it was only a matter of time. The only thing that scared her more was that there might not be a phone call. That she might not even know. That he might get tossed into some potter's field unmarked grave.

He was talking again but she wasn't listening. Clark was there. Clark was there and he was grabbing her and flying out the door.

Dean looked up at the puff of air and Chloe was standing there. For a moment he thought he might be hallucinating. He pulled the bottle out and stared at it for a moment and suddenly she was kneeling in front of him. Her hands running over his body. She found no injury and after she could catch her breath she saw the bottle. Empty.

She had seen Dean drink. She had seen him put away more alcohol than a college pledge on a bender and never had he been out of control. Never had he seemed so lost.

"Dean?" Her voice made him look away from the empty bottle.

"You're beautiful." Dean slurred the words and tried to reach for her. His hand missing her cheek and landing on her shoulder.

"Are you okay?" She hadn't found any physical wound but that didn't mean nothing was wrong.

"I had a baby, she tried to kill me but Sam killed her." He looked away for a moment. "Not sure if I could've done it. Killed her I mean. She was a monster but she was also my daughter."

"I don't understand." Chloe was really starting to worry. He wasn't making any sense. "Where's Sam now?"

"In our room. Sleeping like a baby." Dean snarled as his alcohol soaked brain made the connection.

"Let me help you back into bed." Chloe tried to wrap an arm around him and he shrugged her off.

"He snores! He snores like his high horse." Dean stood and began to walk towards parking lot.

"I'll get you another room." Chloe grabbed his hand and led him back to the bench. She didn't like leaving him alone but she had no other choice. "Stay here. I'll be right back." Dean tried to smirk at her but only ended up looking confused.

"Okay Dokey Blondie." Chloe turned to leave but Dean grabbed her hand. "I didn't want to leave."

His last words were a whisper that broke her heart. Rushing to the front desk she managed to get the room next to the one he and Sam had already reserved and rushed back with the key to find Dean lifting the still empty bottle to his lips.

Moving towards him she guided him back to the room and towards the king size bed that dominated the cramped room.

"One bed? I'm not that kind of guy Sully." Chloe smiled weakly at Dean's attempt at humor. She had no idea what was going on but there was no way she was leaving him in this state. She knew Dean wasn't capable of intentionally harming himself but that didn't mean he wasn't suicidal. It wouldn't be a bullet for Dean though, it would be a botched hunt with too many risks and then she and Sam would be left trying to pick up the pieces.

"Just lay down." He grabbed her arm as he lowered himself onto the bed. Pulling her with him and into his embrace.

"You still smell like coffee and vanilla." He snuggled into the crook off her neck as his eyes started to slip shut. "She was really pretty." Chloe was no longer sure what Dean was talking about. "You would have raised her better. Maybe she wouldn't have wanted to cut off my hands?"

Chloe tried to get up but Dean held tighter. "Stay."

That one word held all his hurt and pain and she couldn't bare adding to it. If her being near offered him some comfort than she would stay.

Lying in the dark in the musty hotel room she could admit she still had feelings for him. Could admit that she probably always would.

Dean awoke to a pounding headache and warm body. Before he opened his eyes he tried to think about what the hell he had done last night. He vaguely remembered Sam's snoring and leaving their room. Everything after that was a whiskey induced blur.

Opening his eyes he saw a pile of blonde curls. Looking past that he found it odd that she was fully dressed. Stretching slightly he realized he was similarly clothed. Since when did a night at the bar end up with a spooning session?

Where was Sam? Had he kicked him out.

"You want to talk about what happened last night?" Her voice made his heart stutter before she rolled towards him.

"Hey." He choked out the word. His mouth dry. Emotions he had been trying to burry pushing their way to the surface.

"You said some things last night." She looked away from him and sat up on the bed. The distance making it easier to think. "I just want to be sure you're okay."

He hated the concern in her voice. The worry. "I don't really remember."

"You told me Sam killed your daughter." Chloe watched his reaction. Watched as he turned away from her now. His eyes looked so haunted. She had no idea what had happened but it was something big. "Look Dean I know we aren't close anymore but I'm still here for you. I care."

Dean looked around for the first time and realized they were in a different room. "Where is Sam?"

"Next door. I rented another room."

"I'm sorry I called you. You should head back home." He walked into the bathroom and splashed some cold water in his face.

"Dammit Dean whatever is going on you were bad last night. I mean worse than after Sam's swan dive. The fact that you don't even remember calling me has me more than worried."

"You don't need to worry about me. I'm fine." Chloe laughed at that. A dark sardonic sound. She stood and followed him into the bathroom. Standing behind him as he looked into the mirror.

"Yup. That looks like the face of someone that's fine." He frowned at her reflection before turning to face her. Chloe's features softened. Pain washing over her a new at what had become of them. There had been a time when she had thought they could have some sort of life together. She knew there would never be any picket fences but she thought they could have something.

"Just go." Dean turned to walk out of the bathroom but Chloe grabbed his hand. Forcing him to turn back towards her. She took a step forward and reached up on her tip toes. Letting her eyes close a moment before she pressed her lips to his.

The kiss was gentle and chaste and over before Dean could react. "Good bye Dean." He thought he saw a tear before she pushed past him. He wanted to call her back. Wanted to tell her everything but he knew it wasn't going to end well.

He watched her walk out the door. The sun blinding him for a moment as the door opened and closed and she was gone. Gone again. Gone for good he hoped.

Dean walked back into the room he shared with Sam and watched as his brother looked up. Relief washing over his face. "Hey."

"Hey." Dean moved into the room and started helping Sam pack up. Walking to the car a few minutes later he hated the tension that was once again between him and his brother. Slipping into the beat up Pontiac he started it up. They were all each other had.

"We okay Dean?" Sam waited for some sort of response.

"Yeah Sam, we're fine." Sam wasn't sure he meant it, but the fact that he said it meant he wanted it to be true and that was enough for now.

AN

WOW angst. Not to mention he doesn't even explain his drunken phone call. I think the next one will have some hope and some steam. I need a break from all this emotional hand wringing.

Reviews please!


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